SHE HATES ME (but does she really...)

how is it that people can sing the lyrics to a song with heartfelt passion and enthusiasm, like the words so resonate with them they almost could've written it themselves, while not have a clue what they're actually saying?

a prime example of this type of thing is when a group of drunk South Africans in a local bar sing the words to Midnight Oil's BEDS ARE BURNING in unison, like they'd practiced together for weeks waiting for this very moment to let the public hear what they had to say about life in a song, and not having a clue that the songwriter is telling the world, through their mouths, to give the land they're standing on back to the indigenous population. yes, the same one's that are keeping the cold Castles coming while sweeping the empty cans away from underneath their feet.

i hate that song.

i had a similar scenario play out before my eyes this week listening to my brother and sister-in-law's latest from-the-heart, altogether-now-with-feeling life anthem.

they've been following a reality show called ROCKSTAR INXS on GO for the last few weeks where the remaining members of the legendary band INXS challenged young wannabe rockers to compete against each other to replace Michael Hutchens who was found hanging from his hotel suite doorknob by his own belt (not a suicide attempt, you figure it out) a few years ago.

they'd urged me to watch it. however i'd already watched ROCKSTAR SUPERNOVA, a similar thing, but i only really watched because Tommy Lee from Motley Crue and Gilby Clarke from Guns 'n Roses were so hot. the leftovers from INXS were not. the expiry date had rubbed off their packaging years ago. gross.

anyway the winner had been chosen and these two crazed fans came bolting down to my apartment in high spirits asking me to download the new INXS CD off the net for them (this show had obviously run a while ago overseas). their enthusiasm had obviously drowned out the part of their moral code which made them point their fingers in my face and tell me that i was a criminal and a thief and would have to "live with my own conscience" when i'd downloaded songs in the past.

so here they were, holding their breaths and staring anxiously at my screen. the album wasn't on Limewire. they left, shoulders stooped, INXS-less.

they ordered it from Musica.

it arrived.

they burst into my place once more, they sprinted across my floor and basically stuffed the CD into the side of my Mac. and, lo and behold, there it was, PRETTY VEGAS by INXS.

they danced and jumped up and down, shouting out the lyrics syllable for syllable.

i, in an instant, recognised this to be one kick-ass tune.

not allowing me to download it (sharp intake of air!) they ripped out their CD and left. i got it off Limewire.

PRETTY VEGAS goes like this:

it ain't pretty,
after the show,
it ain't pretty when the pretty leaves you
with no place to go...

i winced as pictures fast forwarded through my head of me and Andrew crawling out of ESP after 16 hours into a firewall of retina melting daylight, dirty, jittery shadows of our former selves, dazed and confused and wondering what to do with ourselves next.

i held this image in my head just long enough to copy and paste it next to the identities of my brother an sister-in-law before i closed the file because too much lingering on THAT image might've turned me into a pillar of salt.

there they were these two, their strongest drug experiment having been the time when she was wondering whether Sinutab taken on top of Corenza C might be too much for her kidneys to handle. and a late night meant staying awake to watch the credits roll after the horror movie on M-Net on fridays.

strange that what erupts out of your mouth can actually be the exact opposite of who you are in real life and everything you'd like to think you stand for.

so, with this in mind, i was left wondering: when i'm sceaming the lyrics (like i actually am the heart stomping girl) to Puddle Of Mudd's SHE FUCKING HATES ME!!! from the depths of my core, does this actually mean that i'm really just a big sissy who should toughen up and get onto the list for the first spinal-chord implant...