KEEP YOUR HAIR WHERE IT BELONGS. ON YOUR HEAD.

CHAETOPHOBIA; TRICHPATHOPHOBIA; TRICOPHOBIA; and HYPERTRICHOPHOBIA. there you have it. i'm FINE. F. Y. frikkin I! my phobia of hair is NOT a delusional psychosis. it's a CONDITION. oKAAAY?!

Carrie has a phobia about birds - what's so revoltingly disgusting about THEM? Bryan passes out at the sight of a tiny little needle - but he'll put a massive aircraft in the sky thousands of meters above the earth. mom has a fear of flying - but loves birds. we almost ALL have a problem with spiders - but right there we can SEE the problem. i still cannot wrap my head around how something THAT UGLY could've slipped it's way through the evolutionary cycle unnoticed. maybe the Universe turned a blind eye because if it had have stared too long it would've fled in horror and it had BIGGER things on it's plate at the time.

honestly! spiders should've been eliminated by evolution AEONS ago due to reasons of extreme GROSSNESS.

spiders are covered in hair (gross) - so you can see the parallel. take away the (gross) body and what do have left? a pile of (gross) HAIR! the entire (gross) article is just TOO MUCH to ingest in one eye-full. unless you wanted to scorch the back of your optical nerve for some or other reason. that's why you've got to break it down into parts. starting with the least offensive part - the hair. and stow the rest of it FAR AWAY in a locked, air-tight vault in the DEEPEST RECESS of your memory bank NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN!

(shudder) you must see me now. taking a quick survey of my floor to see that there's nothing of that ilk lurking around. if there was?! what would i do?! i'd call the police! that's what i'd do! i wonder how THEY'D handle a situation like that? they'd probably call in the armed forces. and who could blame them?!

i can't feel my legs. i think i might've incurred a minor STROKE sitting here covering this (GROSS) topic.

and DO NOT feed me the 'they're more scared of YOU than you are of THEM' line. because if that were true there would be a mental hospital full of spiders suffering from psychotic melt-downs, and there ISN'T. they just sit there and laugh while you climb the banister WITH YOU FINGERNAILS in mortal TERROR and say in spider-talk, "that's right little girl, get a loada ME!"

so there you have it. my fear of hair actually stems from the much BROADER issue of Arachnaphobia. which is common to like, 99.9999% of the population! mine has merely been reduced down to HAIR because split into parts it's more manageable.

now when you enter my apartment, notice the pale coloration of my environment and KNOW that every hair that falls from your head onto ANY surface will be NOTICED, PICKED UP and thrown in the TOILET - where it BELONGS - by ME!

so wash, brush, gel your hair to your scalp, do whatever it takes, but show some consideration if you come to visit me. and don't stay TOO long because it's a common fact that we all shed like A THOUSAND HAIRS A DAY!

an hour then. MAX. then you and your hair are OUTA HERE!

(spine-crawl) gross...