ALONE - BUT NOT LONELY!

FYI people, if you're watching 'Dinner For One' this Old Years Eve, don't for a second imagine that this is me! in fact it's YOU because i won't be watching. i'll be on the jol with Greg.

when, and IF i ever reach 110 however, i STILL won't be like this little old lady and her ever increasingly drunk butler. by then i have total confidence that a new drug would've been created and i would have a deep dish of THAT in front of me.

it always strikes me like an axe between my shoulder-blades when it dawns on me that people think that just because i'm single and i live alone, i must therefore be a sad and lonely girl who no-one wants to spend time with!

comments like, "shame Sand, one day you'll find someone who'll love you for you, the same way WE do" - Derek.

or, "my wish for you is that you'll finally settle down with a guy who knows how to treat you properly" - Gary.

hasn't it dawned on everyone yet that not only do i CHOOSE to live this way, but that i DESERVE to live this way?

i mean, gimme a break. i have had men coming and going in and out of my life for like, ALL OF MY ADULT YEARS, like unfit gym goers moving through the super-circuit, and i have almost ALWAYS made the mistake of living with them.

what usually, no, what ALWAYS happens is i get bored. and then i progress from being mildly irritated, slice through all the other layers like a razor through an oesophagus, into acting just plain rude. and rude is not my preferred choice of behavior - as difficult as it may be to believe, because i EXCEL at it with such radiance. i think the reason for my talent in the rudeness-department was formed out of PRACTICE from people pouncing on my freedom and trying to SQUEEZE it into extinction. it's certainly not genetic. is it dad...

but trying to destroy my freedom is like trying to squash a balloon filled with water: it'll just pop through your fingers, still full. the tighter you grip, the bigger the bubble through your fingers will be. open your hand and there it will sit, perfectly orb-shaped and calm. why can't men understand this? surely they would want to be treated with as little pressure as i do? if so, why can't they follow the 'do unto other's' principal? but i've given up trying to solve that puzzle since the day i discovered crosswords. i like crosswords way better. they always work out.

it remains true for me that the only two people that should spend 24/7 in each others company are Siamese Twins. i mean, how am i ever supposed to miss you if you won't go away?!

i think it was Katherine Hepburn who said, "separate bedrooms, separate bathrooms. then your [relationship] has a fighting chance". i think she should've extended the perimeter by a few kilometers. and maybe even THEN i'm being too conservative.

isn't it far easier to tell someone to go home when they have a home to go TO? or even to experience the liberty of being able to say, "i'm going home. speak to you in the morning"?

and yes, sex is great. no hang on sex is great when it's done with the right PERSON. but does that come stapled to a deed entitling that person to key-privileges for my apartment and an overarching say on on how i am to conduct my life from that point moving forward? since when did sex spell obligation and commitment? in fact the very sound of those two words instills a feeling in me that makes me want to do the EXACT OPPOSITE. even if i don't WANT to. and i realise i'm spiting MYSELF. but, behave like you have some unwritten permission to administer control over my life and i will do something SO FAR REMOVED from what it is that you would preferred to have had me done that i will risk my LIFE in a display of DEFIANCE. "if you don't secure that parachute Sandy it's a sign that you don't love me". oh REEEEALLY?! [unbuckles parachute and jumps]

so, if you want to love me to death, then start thinking of ways for me to express my love for you. if you leave it up to ME however, i will love you in ways that Shakespeare could only have WISHED he could've imagined. right up until the time when boredom sets in! otherwise, please leave me to enjoy my well-earned alone-ness.

and STOP THAT THOUGHT RIGHT THERE you MARRIED/RELATIONSHIP/INVOLVED-TYPE PEOPLE! i said ALONE-ness! that is NOT the same as LONELINESS with an 'A' in front!