THAT 1% WHEN SANDY DOES NOT RULE...

SNOTTY ACT 1:

today i was driving home when a red Ferrari came zooming past me.

his back plate read "CHALLENGE".

this is the kind of thing that make my invisible 'I-SUPER-HATE-YOU' button turn on automatically.

(yes YEEEES alright, i can hear you all thinking 'but your father's driven a new Ferrari every year since you were born', but that's DIFFERENT oKAY?! my dad's life is manufactured around cars and it's not about the "look-at-me-i'm-rich' thing for him. any of you who know my dad will know this to be true.)

anyway, while i was still adjusting my head into 'I-SUPER-HATE-YOU' mode, Mr. CHALLENGE pulled up next to me and started trying to grab my attention! i couldn't believe it! but i was ready for him. i gave him an eye-roll - no i gave him a whole-HEAD-roll that just SCREAMED, "don't you know who i AM?!"

he might've had a clue seeing as my car is emblazoned with 'GARY GREEN AUTO' stickers on very single panel - i left these on because i thought it looked racy and cool.

i stopped at the robot.

he pulled up on my right. i stared straight ahead.

his passenger window started to descend.

i turned my head so far to the left an owl couldn't have done a further neck rotation.

"puleeeze just go to La Perla (the restaurant underneath my building where this type gather in droves) and go show off in front of somebody that gives a shit," i thought.

the robot turned green and he had to pull off.

UN-SNOTTY ACT 2:

this afternoon i was having coffee with my brother (the Gary Green of GARY GREEN AUTO) and sister-in-law and this topic somehow wound its way into the conversation. my brother listened intently.

"hmmm, Challenge," he said. i watched him sifting through his mental files.

and there he had it! ping! light bulb moment!

"do you know who that WAS?!" he said, but he took a deep inhale before he spoke.

"who?" i asked, bracing myself for something huge.

"that's KEITH GILMORE!!! CHALLENGE! that's HIM!"

"shit," i said, 'super-shit', i thought.

Keith is an exotic car dealer who has worked with my father and brother for years.

my head spun. and then my memory replayed the whole event quickly in front of my mind's eye just to make sure i felt the full impact of my behaviour. i wrinkled up my nose, dropped my head below neck-level and squinted my eyes at Gary.

"is it..." i spoke in lower case. if that's possible.

SNOT RUNNING DOWN MY FACE ACT 3:

"hi Keith it's me sandy..."

and then, "hi dad, he he, i've just done a funny thing..."

(actually i haven't done that. but i will. tomorrow. no, tomorrow's not looking good, maybe tuesday... but i WILL do it. i'm telling you. i WILL!)